Asynchronous Development: Why Gifted Children Don’t Grow In A Straight Line

There is a quiet crisis in South Africa: gifted children falling through the cracks because so few people truly understand what giftedness looks like.

We tend to imagine giftedness as perfect grades and calm confidence. We picture a child who intuitively excels at everything. Meanwhile, real gifted children are often the ones who argue passionately about fairness, notice every tiny sensory detail, or cry over a change in routine that caught them off guard.

Some read well before school.
Some build whole worlds in their heads — detailed, structured, and somehow better than reality.
Some develop a sense of humour so quick it leaves adults blinking to catch up.
Some notice unfairness long before they understand how to cope with it.
Some are the “picky eaters,” because a tomato’s texture can feel like a betrayal.
Some can recite facts nobody asked for… and melt down when the pen runs out mid-thought.
Some feel emotions so strongly that a small disappointment can feel like the end of the world — long before they have the words to explain why.

They are not always the neat, eager, high-achieving student in the front row.
Often they are the child teachers describe as “bright… but complicated.”

Giftedness is not defined by achievement — it is defined by difference.

When development doesn’t line up

One of the most important things to understand about gifted children is that they don’t develop evenly. Their cognitive development surges forward while their emotional and social development follows its own rhythm.

You might see a child who grasps advanced ideas with ease but becomes overwhelmed by group work. A curious and articulate thinker who still needs help navigating friendships. A child who remembers complex details, but not their school shoes… again.

This uneven pacing is called asynchronous development — and it is not a phase that can be outgrown. It’s a lifelong pattern. When we pretend it isn’t there, the child is left to handle challenges they were never meant to carry alone.

The pressure to be “ahead”

South Africa loves a prodigy story.
Who finished school early. Who jumped the most grades.

It looks impressive, but it can come with a cost.

A twelve-year-old may manage academically among much older teens — but socially they’re still twelve. They begin to notice that everyone else seems more ready for the world than they are. They try to perform maturity they haven’t reached. They begin to mask. And inside, they feel different. Wrong.

Acceleration should be thoughtful and rare — never the default solution simply because a child can cope with harder work.

Giftedness does not erase the needs of childhood.
It does not replace the need for belonging.

Stretching the mind while supporting the child

True gifted education is about depth, not speed.

• challenge that excites rather than overwhelms
• space for curiosity to lead the way
• permission to still be emotionally their age
• peers who share their humour and intensity
• adults who understand that brilliance and vulnerability often sit side by side

So much of gifted development is about letting the intellect stretch while keeping the child grounded. They may eagerly discuss the solar system in the morning and later need help with a friendship wobble at breaktime.

This is where specialised environments matter.

When I spoke with Ronél Smit, Head of School at Nebula College in Pretoria, she explained:

“Giftedness isn’t only high ability. It’s uneven development. We stretch the thinking while supporting the child who carries it.”

That balance — challenge with containment — is what allows gifted children to flourish without burning out. They can be bright, intense, curious, sensitive… and still be children.

The South African support gap

South Africa has extraordinary gifted children — curious thinkers, sensitive feelers, creative problem-solvers — in every classroom. Yet we have surprisingly few systems designed to help them thrive. Parents often describe a sense of being unsure where to turn, while teachers wish they had more tools for a child who learns differently rather than faster.

There are many factors contributing to this:

• Teacher training rarely includes meaningful preparation for gifted development
• Schools often assume giftedness shows up as academic excellence, missing creativity, intensity, and difference
• “Enrichment” tasks are frequently just extra worksheets — more work, not deeper thinking
• Clever children are assumed to be coping, even when there are cracks forming at home
• Families are left feeling alone with a child who appears capable on the outside but unravels after school

Gifted education is not elitism.
It’s simply acknowledging that when a child’s brain, heart, and coping skills don’t grow at the same pace, they need understanding — not pressure.

Without that understanding, gifted children can become anxious or withdrawn. They start doubting themselves. They stop trying. The child who once brimmed with curiosity slowly disappears behind overwhelm.

We cannot afford to lose minds like these — not to burnout, not to self-doubt, and certainly not to environments that don’t yet recognise their needs.

When we get it right

Support doesn’t have to be complicated — it just has to be intentional.

When a child feels seen and understood:

• Learning becomes exciting again
• Intense emotions become part of who they are, not something to hide
• Friendships form with less fear and more trust
• The school day becomes energising rather than something to endure
• They finally feel safe to be themselves

Gifted children don’t develop in straight lines.
Their growth comes in bursts, spirals, leaps, and surprises — and that is exactly what makes them remarkable.

They develop like constellations — lighting up in unexpected directions, forming patterns that only make sense when someone cares enough to look.

Our job is not to rearrange those stars into a standard shape.
It’s to help them shine without burning out.

Not faster.
Not smaller.
Just well.

And that’s why collaboration matters.

There are a handful of schools in South Africa trying to get this right, and one of them is Nebula College in Pretoria — a space built intentionally for gifted and twice-exceptional learners who need both stretch and safety.

Head of School Ronél Smit has walked this road both as a professional and as a mother of gifted children. Her mission aligns deeply with everything we’ve discussed here: to create learning environments where gifted intensity is understood, supported, and celebrated — not managed away.

It takes educators who recognise that brilliance and vulnerability can live in the same child.
It takes spaces where gifted children can grow in their own shape.
It takes people who know that giftedness doesn’t need to be accelerated — it needs to be accompanied.

And if you’re parenting one of these remarkable children, you’re not alone.
We’re building the conversations — and the community — they have been waiting for.

Because when we understand these children properly — we can finally help them thrive.

About Nebula College

Nebula College is a small, specialised independent school in Pretoria, built for gifted and twice-exceptional children who learn and develop differently. With small classes and a focus on enriched, emotionally attuned education, Nebula provides the space for gifted learners to be both stretched and supported — so they can think deeply, explore widely, and still feel like children among peers who understand them.

About Ronél Smit

Ronél Smit is the Head of School at Nebula College. With a background in occupational therapy and the lived experience of raising five gifted children, she brings deep insight into both the strengths and vulnerabilities gifted learners carry. Ronél is passionate about creating learning environments where gifted children feel safe, challenged, understood — and able to grow in their own shape.

About the Author – Nicola Killops

Nicola Killops is a writer and gifted education advocate. Through her platform, NeuroParentingHub, she supports families and schools in understanding the complex needs of gifted and twice-exceptional children. Nicola draws on both professional experience and her personal journey raising a profoundly neurodivergent child, helping others make sense of gifted development with compassion and clarity.

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